Candace Bushnell

With her wit, talent and determination to earn her stripes as a writer, Candace Bushnell, the New York Times best-selling author and creator of the "Sex and the City" phenomenon, has seen it all on her journey from struggling freelancer to host of Candace Bushnell's "Sex, Success, and Sensibility", her new live weekly talk show on Sirius Satellite Radio's Stars Channel 102. But despite her fame and the worldwide fans who've snapped up her books like Trading Up, Four Blondes and most recently, Lipstick Jungle, the down-to-earth Bushnell is, as always, still learning along the way.

MODW: "Candace, I just wanted to let you know that when Lulu, the founder of MODWOMEN, first began envisioning this website and how it could help smart, progressive women over 40 maximize their own life journeys, the first person she wanted interviewed for this project was you."

Candace: "Thank you. That's so nice to hear."

MODW: "Yes, but it's true and it's funny how things come full circle, isn't it? That was over a year ago and here we are today. We're delighted to have you."

Candace: "Thank you so much."

MODW: "Candace for women around the world you've become the personification of the successful, '40-fabulous' woman. What is the greatest thing that you've discovered about yourself since entering your 40s?"

Candace: "As one gets older one learns that they are vulnerable and that's okay. One also learns that you can't control everything, no matter how much you might want to."

MODW: "That's a scary revelation for a lot of people, don't you think?"

Candace: "That's true, especially if you're in your 20s and 30s and are working hard at your career. You can't help but experience some fearful times along the way. But at 40 you handle things better. Everything isn't the end of the world. Also, you don't care as much about what people think. There's great freedom in that."

MODW: "How about the downsides of turning 40? Have there been any for you?"

Candace: "You're still always prey to new ups and downs as you get older. As you become more successful there's more to deal with - bigger pressures at work, bigger self doubts."

MODW: "Self doubts? Even for you?"

Candace: "Of course! I'm a human being just like anybody else. But you're more anchored to your true self at this stage in the game and that's exciting. I also think you are more open to new experiences."

MODW: "So, what's it boil down to Candace? What's that one life lesson that's really made its mark on you so far?"

Candace: "Whenever I talk to women, I tell them that in your 20s and 30s it's all about a relationship with a man. But in your 40s it's about a relationship with yourself. You find your place in the world. You realize that life isn't going to be the same as it was at 20 or 30, nor should it be. But you need to lay down the foundations of self-esteem for yourself. It's about self-actualization. Learning how to work and how to take care of yourself."

MODW: "How about the women you know who are over 40? Are they happy?"

Candace: "Yes. Very happy. The one common trait they all seem to share is having a mission in life. It might take 20 years to complete that mission, but it helps to go through life that way. It's about having a passion for something, particularly your work. Work is where you can find yourself."

MODW: "Are toxic attitudes out there today that North American society still propels about women over 40?"

Candace: "Absolutely. There's the notion that if you're successful you have to be a bitch. That's a huge myth. If you're too successful and smart, men want you. Another myth. Or you can't be a great entrepreneur and a great mom at the same time. Wrong again."

MODW: "Is there something that bugs you about what women are being told it takes to be truly happy?"

Candace: "As one gets older one learns that the external isn't a true source of happiness. Will the right shoes and handbag make you happier? Maybe in my 20s that worked-for a minute or two. But not really. Not in the long run."

MODW: "Do you feel that your success as a columnist, author and now a radio talk show host on Sirius has changed how people interact with you?"

Candace: "I might be well known but I certainly don't fall into that Britney Spears mega-celebrity category. In fact, I think people are surprised by how down-to-earth I am."

MODW: "Yes, but do you feel your relationships have been clouded in any way by your celebrity?"

Candace: "No. I don't get caught up in the fame or the celebrity, nor do my closest friends. As a writer you spend a lot of time alone, with just a blank computer screen to look at. You have to like yourself. That's the key."

MODW: "Tell us about your new radio show on Sirius."

Candace: "I have many different types of career women on. It's a fun show for me because as a kid there was a part of me that wanted to act. Writing novels is a type of performance, but you're performing for yourself. Since it's satellite radio there's no way for me to know exactly who is out there listening. But the show is bawdy, serious and sometimes I'm screaming on it. It's letting me get in touch with the journalist side in me. But in today's market the reality is you never know what is going to work."

MODW: "Do you think it's easier for women in their 40s to be mentors to younger women today? That is, with North Americans so focussed on youth and beauty is there more junk that gets in the way of 40+ women and 20-somethings really connecting?"

Candace: Actually, I see it quite the opposite. I know women who are 19 and women who are over 60. Some are old fashioned. Some are more contemporary in their way of thinking. But in the end it's all about attitude and a sense of humour. If there is one big thing these women share it's working hard to not buy into cultural stereotypes. I think that is more unifying than age."

MODW: "Yes, but what about those big differences. How can they be bridged?"

MODW: "Sometimes I hear of 20-somethings who don't want to work hard or pay their career dues. Then other times I hear of young women who are quite the opposite. You have to remember that for women my age and older, when we started out there was no such thing as sexual harassment. You had to earn your stripes and you had to be willing to take chances. The fact is you're not always going to win in this life, but as I try to tell women a career is like a marriage to yourself. It has it ups and downs, but it's about commitment, sticking to it and working hard."

MODW: "You've built a career observing women as they make their way through modern love, sex, careers and so on. Are there big mistakes women today continue to make that really surprise you?"

Candace: Not all women are the same just like all men are not the same. So I don't want to categorize them or their decisions. But I think the biggest mistake women continue to make is in not supporting other women. We are so critical of women and their decisions. For example, take women who opt to stay at home and those who choose to work outside it. There shouldn't even be a debate about it. It's so important that we support other women's decisions in spirit."

MODW: "What about mistakes made on the career front?"

Candace: "Well, in terms of business I think we do ourselves a disservice to believe that people will always be honest and honorable towards us. As a business woman you realize that people will do anything to get ahead and that people will not be honest or honorable all the time. But you have your ideas, your talent and your mission in life. People can take your ideas from you but not what is going on in your own mind. To know that is to know 'freedom'."

MODW: What about competitiveness among women? Has it changed?

Candace: "I will say that I now see a much healthier kind of competition among women in the workplace and that's great. But when it comes to men, the competition over them is still vicious."

MODW: What is the best thing in your life right now?"

Candace: "I think living in the moment, especially the small moments, is what it's all about. The little exchanges with the lady at the deli, seeing friends, having fun. Getting pleasure out of these little moments keeps me going."

MODW: "Many women let fear hold them back from living their lives with gusto. What's the greatest lesson you've learned about fear?"

Candace: "We women all feel fear and guilt - maybe guilt even more so. There's the guilt and worry about not being liked and not being accepted. When it comes to the workplace, I think women today are figuring out how to get business done and still be liked."

MODW: "Yes, but what about you and your fears?"

Candace: "There are always those fears inside me, too. Like am I good enough? It makes you vulnerable to disappointment and it shows you that you do have limitations. When I was 32, for example, I was freelancing in New York at the time and was having a bad year. I only made $10,000 that year. In New York that's nothing. I felt fear then and still do. Like everyone else I have times when I say I can't."

MODW: "What do you feel is the most important contribution you have made to the people you love?"

Candace: "To be there for them. If it's a girlfriend who calls and says 'I need help', I'm there."

MODW: "What do you feel about today's obsession with plastic surgery?"

Candace: "I think its up to the person choosing it or not. But remember for women over 40 it's not about trying to be beauty queens. They want to feel better about themselves and go out into the world feeling good. What I find sad and very disturbing is the young women out there today who feel the only way they'll ever get a guy is by having breast implants. You've got to make yourself hot to be worthy of love and if you don't have thin enough thighs or big enough breasts no man will want you. That's just wrong. It's a big problem in this world."

MODW: "In what way has love, particularly the kind you share with your husband, changed your attitudes about yourself, marriage, sex and men?"

Candace: "Love hasn't changed my attitude about men. But it is heartening to find a decent guy. A guy has to be nice. Period. If he's not you'll never have a real relationship with him because you'll always be working to overcome things about him. But it's also important for women to be nice to their partners."

MODW: "What's the Candace Bushnell 'secret formula' to having it all over 40?"

Candace: "Well, since I don't have kids I don't know if I can answer. I do think part of it is about being able to make decisions and to move forward happily with the ones that you have made. But it's also about hard work. Some people may not want to hear this, but it is the only predictor of success."

Interview by Constance  
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